Brighter Side of the Dark

Brighter Side of the Dark

6th January 2022, I felt an unusual fatigue and body ache. I called my family doctor telling him about the sudden massive pain. His reflex response was the 'Rapid Antigen' test. It scared me but I had to.  I tested my self as positive. 

My all in one- health-care-rescue-system, my doctor, Dr. Soneji, the best doctor ever, was very supportive, got my medication started immediately. He told me to keep him posted on my vitals om regular basis and that i would need to be patient with my self.

My mom broke down when she saw me making arrangements for home quarantine. I somehow convinced my parents that my strict quarantine was necessary to safe guard them. 

It seemed though someone was drilling nails into my body that entire day. So much pain that I finally nummed to feel like being unconscious. As the night' grew deeper, my temperature started rising. By midnight I was more than 103. 

Burning body and nails being drilled in. I couldn't lie down. I couldn't sit. I tried to take a few steps in the room with no energy left. I was draining out. 

I obviously didn't not let my parents get a hint of what I was going through to make them feel more helpless.

The dolos of the world may or may not work. You have to keep up with impossible patience and drag yourself till the specific medicine starts doing its job.

The pain was so horrible that my nerves seemed to be throwing up. I felt like I may not just be there the next morning.

With that came a terrible flood of thoughts.

How will my parents handle themselves? Will I not be there when they need me the most? I wanted to hug them both once and tell them that they are my world.

I wanted to meet my Mentor Ms. Lavanya Anand once, give her a tight hug.

I wanted to meet my longest time ever and dearest best friend, Bharat Ashar once, to tell him that he is a perfect hero. He has recently  recovered a heart surgery so very bravely & beautifully and kept pushing me to hold on when ever I felt weak and vulnerable.

I wanted meet  my bro, Neel Kumar Gupta once and see him feed the crows that land on his home balcony with his sunday breakfast- maggi

I wanted to meet my homegirl Shweta Gadekar once and have a hearty gossip with giggles with our favourite coffee

I wanted to talk to my favourite author, Dr Swati Lodha, tell her that she holds a special place in my life and that her book - Come on GET - SET - GO has been like bible for me. 

I wanted to see my office #MET once and have my eyes click and capture a picture of this happy place.

I wanted to do so much.

These thoughts left me with a spinning head ache and a godown of uncertainties.

The only hope in all of this chaos was that my vitals were in control and my blood picture was clean because of which I was in my very own comfortable space, my home. A lot of credit goes to my doctor and his health care advice to us over the years.

My agony finally came to control after a little more than 36 hours as the medication started showing its effect. Fever, cough, cold, pain  everything still existed but i was now able to bear. 

Now it was a matter of time for all the distortion to subside, settle down and heal. Each day seemed a little more progressive than the previous one as i was able get on call and chat a bit, with  minimal screen time though. I was able to eat enough to sustain.

One thing I want to tell you is that, neither fear nor ignore fever. It proves extremely  difficult at times of course. Fever  indicates that your body is fighting with some infection somewhere inside. It means you need to check to the roots of the trouble and fix. 

Never make the mistake of thinking that let me wait and watch and then check. Your infection has used your wait and watch time to its advantage, especially in the pandemic era. Dr. Soneji was very prompt and did not allow that blunder to happen though. He was constantly in contact. It felt more like a parent's support than a doctor.

I did vent out a part of my pain to my mentor as soon as I was in a position to chat. It made me feel lighter, better and shared. Isolation is really hard, no matter how sound you are emotionally. It's very important to communicate what you feel with some one you trust and you know is stronger than you. 

When you are left to yourself, locked in a room even for an unfortunate purpose such as this, you automatically tend to reflect on things especially during the recovery and  healing phase. So did I. 

The bitter truth: 

Covid type infections tend to break you from within to a helpless note, however momentary the tenure is, one hour, one day, two day. Unfortunately it doesn't increase our pain and discomfort threshold. 

The bitter truth is that at some points of time within life you're left to being all by yourself. You may have a hundred loved ones but no one can open the locked door and come to your sight. It may take some to more time before you get to hear their voice or see them.

The bitter truth is that age isn't always a number. If it was, the concept of death wouldn't exist. What comes has to go to create a place for new to come. 

THE HAPPY TRUTH is that you can make a successful effort to delay the aging of your health and vitals with appropriate self care. 

We all know that Rome wasn't created overnight. Health and Vitals aren't destinations, they are a  journey that starts with your state of mind and flow to every single organ of your body. They are the sum total of your food intake, thought process and body movements over a period of time.

Candle light is most valued in the dark. It means darkness definitely has a brighter side in whatever format it be and leaves behind experiences for you to learn from.

TODAY MY HAPPY TRUTH IS: 

I am recovering and on my way back to normalcy.

I drafted this blog, in bits and pieces over the last two days, typed a bit my self, dictated some parts to friends, some speech to text and assembled it.

A thought that came along, my pain was undoubtedly disastrous, but there are so  many unknown whose definitions of disaster are way beyond mine. 

I was lucky to have had resources to reach out for support and help, not many are.

People tend to ignore fatigue, aches and pains, unusual sugar rushes, constipation, swelling on your leg palms and such similar  ailments irrespective of its frequency  considering it as normal to be after a long day or a hectic week or then an occasion. 

The truth is, it isn't normal. It only means something somewhere within your body is going wrong. Make sure you fix this before it fixes you in the form of blood pressure, a leaky gut, cholesterol, migraine, diabetes or any such comorbidities. 

Human body is made to move. But no form of movement or exercise gives body pain. If it does, you are going wrong somewhere. A gym workout does give you sore muscles which also normalise in about 4 -5 days. This is something a lot of us understand but yet don't understand.

We humans tend to search for muhurats for doing something that we envisage. There are so many aspirations we carry with just a schedule of when we plan to fulfil.

Our desires that involve cost need to be planned sure. But there are many wishes and small joys that don't cost. 

There isn't any perfect timing to pursue them. The only time for them is now. Ofcourse, we need to be rational with what we do. 

Yesterday is History. Tomorrow is Mystery. Now is only what I have with me.

As Dr. Soneji rightly has his whatsApp status message saying, "You have only one life". It's really really true, true to life.

Know a friend or a relative who will benefit from this, do share.

Feel free to share your  experiences on aditi.gosalia@gmail.com